Becoming this Woman

This is the year 2016. Okay, I know, I am stating the obvious (trust me I am going to make a point here). As this year winds down I keep thinking of how far I have come. I also keep comparing myself to where I was a decade ago. For those who do not know,  I turned twenty-four years old this August. Therefore, in the year 2006, I was about fourteen years old, and I was just starting high school.

So, flashback to 2006… hmmmmm….2006. I was definitely not confident then. I was coming out of middle school where I was (unfairly) deemed a totally loser smh. I was also thought of as ugly because I was not: white, on fleek (well that word wasn’t created then, it was on point back then lol), put together, thin, white-passing, beautiful by Eurocentric standards, long-haired and cool.  

I said that I was unfairly deemed a loser because what people did not understand was that I was in a lot of pain and my awkwardness was just a way for me to get through the day…  one day at a time. When I headed into high school I told myself that I wanted to be PERFECT. Possessing: PERFECT grades, PERFECT skin, PERFECT hair, PERFECT clothes, PERFECT relationships, and the PERFECT image was the standard … NOT an aspiration. Now, I will admit that I excelled in high school  because I took my studies seriously. However, I developed a dangerous need for validation that I was more than enough … which led me to feel like I had to lose my amazing African curves and become a stick-figure and made me feel that I had to relax the strength out of my hair. Lastly, I was ALWAYS comparing myself to white or white-passing people. Back in my day there was no Lupita Nyong'o, Leslie Jones, or #BlackGirlMagic. Back then, white was right, and black was whack even though we through then that we lived in a post-racial society (even though we know that was never true). I think you guys pretty much get the point… I was a black girl who had not yet tapped into her #BlackExcellence and most of all did not realize that God loved her … and she was a Daughter of Zion.

Let’s jump to the present, 2016. I am only twenty-four years old yet I have: travelled to every continent, graduated from law school, pursuing my LLM, writer for Detroit Fashion News, a blogger, finished from Michigan State University in three years, have amazing friends (no bully friends here lol), forgave those who have hurt me, love my family, stood strong, confident, and have spoken my mind about social issues, and etc. lol. Most of all, I love how my relationship with God has just GROWN. In the year 2014, my walk with God went from routine to being real, I had to ACTUALLY trust him and he never failed me.

I know that I still have A LOT of growing to do, but I love the woman I am today. Honestly, I never thought that I would be this woman…ever.  I am gorgeous, confident, honest, real, and full of #BlackGirlMagic. This woman embraces her culture and is unapologetically black  (RIP Ali) no matter what the racists say. This woman is ME… a strong black woman... and I am not dreaming... to God be the glory!